The Oceanic Adventures

of

"Danger" Dan Baldwin

&

Andrew "Knife" Van Pernis

ELECTRIC JELLY RAY

(ē-lĕc-ťrĭc jĕl-lē rā)

While many scientists dispute the origins of the electric jelly ray, none doubt the potency of he electric shock and poison sting combination exhibited by this small ornery ray.  These rays often travel in thick groups, with their gooey bodies forming a solid purple carpet over the ocean surface.  Seagulls are the main prey of the electric jelly ray, as the rays are fond of shocking and eating the hopeful landers.  People are also menaced by these creatures as their massive swarms tend to clog crowded seaways.  D. Baldwin and A. Van Pernis found themselves in this situation, but they were not dissuaded.  Following Baldwin's lead, Van Pernis removed his shoes and jogged across the thick jelly mat and made his way to a nearby island.  Only with their legendary strength and god-like constitution could they resist the thousands of mild shocks and stings of pretty itchy poison.

FLYING BARRACUDA

(flī-ing bă-ră-ćū-dă)

Often found in voracious swarms of thirty to eighty individuals, the flying barracuda is feared as one of the most merciless hunter in the sea.  Only two brave souls have been recorded to have survived the flesh-rending waves of gnashing, gliding teeth that are a flying barracuda swarm on the prowl.  One A. Van Pernis, assisted by D. Baldwin, fought off the frenzied predators using only a spatula, a roll of paper towels, and two snorkels.  Having been overcome by bloodlust, neither Van Pernis nor Baldwin could fully recall the time between the beginning of the attack and the moment when the last mangled barracuda corpse came to rest in its watery grave.  One thing is certain however: from that moment on, Van Pernis and Baldwin were no longer mere men, they were gods and legends.

HAMMERHEAD MARLIN

(hăm-ĕr-hĕd măr-lĭn)

The hammerhead marlin is a powerful fish idolized by fishermen worldwide.  Its double-bladed shape is easily recognized speeding through the deep water.  Marlin flesh is delicious and prized in most seafood restaurants as an expensive commodity whose risk barely outweighs its going price.  Many lost fingers can be chalked up to the two bony blades of this wild fish.  In all of recorded history, only four hammerhead marlins have been captured and trained.  The world-famous Chariot of Fire is pulled through the water by these fearsome beasts as D. Baldwin and A. Van Pernis ride on with the golden setting sun at their backs.  Having raised these creatures from little baby fishies, Baldwin and Van Pernis are the only people confident enough to live and work in close proximity to these otherwise wild and unpredictable animals.

TORPEDO RAY

(tŏr-p´ē-dō rā)

The torpedo ray is a well-adapted predator known for menacing shipping lanes and whale migration routes.  Unlike most predators, this ray has no teeth.  All it has is a tough sifter for scooping up chunks of its blown-up prey.  A little known fact about the torpedo ray is that it's the only ray in the world that utilizes torpedoes to catch its food.  The legendary seafarers Baldwin and Van Pernis once had a memorable run-in with a poor-tempered torpedo ray.  The ray spotted their catamaran, and, in the last bad decision of its life, launched a single torpedo.  Baldwin, seeing the torpedo and thinking fast, dove into the water to intercept the explosive.  Baldwin quickly grabbed the torpedo, spun it around, and sent it back to the very ray that launched it.  Van Pernis was said to have made a wonderful stew from the steaming ray bits that rained from the sky after the resulting explosion.

SQUID URCHIN

 (skwĭd ŭr-chĭn)

One of the major causes of sunken ships in its territory, the squid urchin uses its flail-like tentacles to smash even the largest vessel.  This squid is covered in heavy boney spines strong enough to pierce pressed steel.  One squid urchin, known as "The Bahamas Blue Devil", found the end to its infamous ship-wrecking career at the hands of A. Van Pernis and D. Baldwin.  Seeing an "easy" mark, the squid urchin thoughtlessly broke their beloved catamaran in two.  Baldwin grabbed the two halves of their ocean-going home and held the ship together with a display of pure brawn.  Van Pernis, known by some as "The Knife", happened to have a blade on his person.  He proceeded to slice and skin the squid urchin, eventually tying their boat together with squid leather and fashioning himself and Baldwin fancy squid belts.

SHARKTOPUS

(shărk-ťō-pŭs)

Often called the King of the Sea, the mighty sharktopus has been the herald of terror for many generations of sea-faring peoples  Dreaded for its all-too-often deadly combination of prehensile tentacles and razor-sharp maw, the sharktopus rarely fails to dismember prey it is determined to catch.  The average sharktopus is the size of a small boat, though the world-record sized specimen, the size of an oil tanker, was discovered by the intrepid adventurers Baldwin and Van Pernis.  The monstrous sharktopus met the two in epic combat, their thunderous clash shaking the sea and lighting up the sky.  After four days of battle, the sharktopus nodded to the two immortal warriors, and the three titans of ocean lore went their separate ways, rising into the undying prose of myth and legend.